How NRI Families Cope In India

We try not to think of their plight, but we know they are lonely and left to fend for themselves. Anusha Harish reminds us of how NRI families have little to look forward to but the occasional visits from loved ones.

Many Indian’s who move to other countries in search of greener pastures inevitably leave behind their parents to battle anxiety all alone, especially, in times of sickness and ill health. There is a further sense of deep loss when parents have to wait for years together to catch a glimpse of their grandchildren. With nothing else to look forward to in life, except for those occasional visits, life becomes a long journey of loneliness and boredom for many NRI families whose children have settled abroad.

Shankar Narayanan, a central government employee and his wife Chandrika, a teacher, are based in Chennai. Their only son, Arvind lives in Doha, Qatar and works as an engineer in Tragsqatar LLC. They long for his yearly visit that brings him home for a period of two months. His father Narayanan says, “As a mechanical engineer, we felt that he had very limited scope in India, and he was searching for a job that satisfied his desire for new challenges. Having found his dream job, we are very happy to see him settled well financially. However, we miss him immensely on all special occasions that remind us of his absence. His dearest nephew turned one last week and his not being with us was sorely felt. Though times have advanced and technology allowed us to make a webcast of the event, still the tears that welled up in his eyes tugged at our hearts.”

Fortune has bestowed its best on this couple and they don’t have to depend financially on their son. “I am employed with the Central Government and I can look forward to an ample pension. My only wish for my son is that he should realise the importance of money and plan his finances accordingly. We only need some moral support from him that he showers on us in abundance. That gives us a sense of wellbeing and fulfilment in our lives,” says the proud father.

When asked if they felt secure all alone, Narayanan states wistfully “We do feel lonely at times when we realise that we might be left all alone in our old age. I will retire from work in four months, and after that it will be a long and boring journey for the rest of my life. I wish to undertake some spiritual pursuits. My wife and I plan religious tours to some places that we have wanted to go for a long time but could not due to my work commitments.” Being an extremely compatible and loving couple they find joy and solace in each other. “ A retirement home is definitely not on the cards for us, we wish to spend the rest of our lives here in our own house,” is their decision.

Savarimuthu Mathias and his wife Alankaramary is a septuagenarian couple who retired as teachers from government institutions in a quaint town in Tiruchirapalli, Tamil Nadu. The Mathias’ have an only daughter Amali Lumina settled in the United States. She is a senior business analyst with software giant Cognizant Technologies Ltd.

Savarimuthu admits with a long sigh, “Amali came to visit us after spending ten years in the States, because her visa problems restricted her from coming home. In these precious years, her brothers got married and had kids, none of which was witnessed by her. I can’t explain how much we missed her. Now her visa problems are behind her and she is a green card holder and promises to visit us at least once in two years.”

Being retired government servants, their pension enables them to be financially stable. “God has been very kind to us and we are self-sufficient. Amali wants us to settle in America with her but we are reluctant to leave our home where we have spent the majority of our lives. Moreover our sons live here. We just can’t leave everything and relocate to an unknown place one fine day.”

Being religious in nature, they love going on pilgrimages. “We are devout Christians and recently travelled to Bethlehem, the birthplace of our Lord Jesus Christ. This was definitely a dream come true for us. Apart from that, we own a farm and our farming activities keep us busy. Our plants have become our children now and we can’t abandon them and move to an old age home,” they say when asked about plans for moving to a retirement place.

V Jayasayee and Lalitha: Based in Bangalore, the Jayasayees battle loneliness with a brave front as both their sons are based abroad. Their elder son Kaushik is a scientist in Trodenheim, Norway and Vinoth the younger one keeps shuttling between Australia and India.

Jayasayee says, “Our elder son, Kaushik visits us once in a year and a half. He is a scientist who is at the peak of his career doing research work on fuel cells in Norway. India did not hold a lot of promise as far as a career in research was concerned and he was left with no other option but to move. We are very happy that he was brave enough to pursue his dreams. Research in fuel cells can make the world a better place to live, but in the process, he has moved far away from us. Recently he was blessed with a baby girl three months ago, whom we are yet to meet. His contract in Norway ends in 2019 after which he promises to return to India.”

Their younger son, Vinoth was left with the responsibility of taking care of his parents. “Being a software engineer, he shuttles between Australia and India on work assignments. In fact, he will leave next month with his new born son and after he leaves with the baby we will feel the full blown effect of loneliness,” his father admits.

“Our sons are a pillar of support for us and they feel guilty about not being with us. They take a lot of care and concern about our health, ensuring that regular medical appointments are booked so that we don’t forget our health concerns.”

“Being diabetic, it is my Kaushik who keeps chiding me to go for regular tests which I would otherwise totally neglect,” says Lalitha, his wife. She is a Sai Baba devotee and spends most of her time in volunteering activities for the ashram located in Whitefield. They have devoted their lives to the upkeep of the inmates of the ashram who now form a very vital part of their lives. “A smile on their faces is what keeps us going and we believe these people would bless our children and keep them strong and healthy,” is their philosophical belief.

K Raman an entrepreneur and Radha his wife, based in Chennai have their younger son Chandramouli Raman living in California. He is a manager at Walmart, taking care of the supply chain and logistics of the company.

Raman says” My biggest concern is the ongoing recession in USA which may have an adverse effect on his career. The very prospect of that gives us sleepless nights. My elder son, Bharathwaj Krishnakumar was settled in Ohio but the effects of the recession and a twist in destiny brought him back to India. I am afraid that my younger son may also be affected in the same way. I am however very happy that he lives and moves around in a very organised and disciplined society which brings a lot of positivity in his otherwise chaotic life.”

“Fortunately my business is flourishing but I was struggling to manage it all alone. Now Bharath helps me to manage it efficiently and we have worked wonders together as a team. Chandramouli is also definitely a constant source of support and a pillar of strength and motivation. It is with their steady support and motivation that I still continue with my business which would otherwise have shut shop a long time ago,” admits Raman.

They are eventually planning to move to a retirement community in Hosur, Karnataka, where they have purchased a retirement home. “I feel that retired life should be peaceful, serene and calm. I would not like to worry about hospital visits, buying groceries, paying bills etc., which are all taken care of. City life is getting extremely monotonous and tiring for us and we are looking forward to moving after I hand over charge of my business fully to my son.”

Radha cheerfully points out, “I look forward to retiring from cooking and all the household chores which are taken care off in our new retirement home.”

Anusha is a full time homemaker and a freelance journalist based in India.