Included on this website by the Editor’s permission.
Though the story was long-drawn, Vinayak-rao listened attentively and did not interrupt the lady. But he naturally wanted to understand how she ended up in her present state. It wasn’t too clear as yet, who she was visiting every night.
So, he asked her point blank: “Where do you go every evening? From where do you return every morning, like you did today”?
She answered: “Since I have not hidden my past, it is useless now to hide my present. I am the temple priest’s nephew’s mistress – the temple priest for whom I cook. His nephew’s wife died two years ago, and when I began staying with him openly, people began gossiping. So, he got me this house here, outside town. In the night I go to the Vithoba temple, and we meet there in an adjoining room”.
Vinayak-rao asked: “Is this nephew also a priest at the Vithoba temple”?
She replied: “Yes, most priests in town are linked to the Vithoba temple, and thousands of widows fill their stomachs through the temple priests over here
– as their secret mistresses”.
Vinayak-rao: “Do you want to continue your life as the mistress of a temple priest”?
Lady: “What else shall I do? Who else will take care of me? Who else will get my son married”?
Vinayak-rao: “But this is a terrible sin! Don’t you feel afraid of leading a sinful life”?
Lady: “I have led a sinful life from the very beginning. What is left to be afraid of now? If someone had led me onto the right path, or had married me, and given me a home and family, then why would I wilfully suffer this fate”?
Beginning to weep she continued: “Who would believe that I was the daughter of such a rich and cultured family. My family was so deeply respected, that none dared to raise their gaze from my parent’s feet. And look at my sad condition now! Even when I got married, I was respected. But God lessened the years of my husband’s life. I ran away from home only because Brahmins disallow widows from remarrying, and since then I have only been suffering countless sorrows. Dada, I have lived my life between the frying pan and the fire, and now, I only live to see my son growing up”.
Vinayak-rao: “But you must leave this immoral path immediately”!
Lady: “But then, how do I survive? If someone, despite my pathetic poverty and helplessness, were to include me in their family, and promise to get my son married, I would happily grow my hair and marry him. If you know of someone who is prepared to do this, then let me know. I will leave this immoral path immediately”.
Vinayak-rao: “As far as our reformed young generation is concerned, I have not come across anyone as yet, who is brave enough to take the step of marrying a widow”.
Lady: “Then, what is the use of this empty talk? Who would initiate such a marriage ritual where the fire altar would itself burn them? Since no one comes forward to release us miserable widows from our miserable fate, we must look for our own means of survival”.
Vinayak-rao: “But this is a sinful path! You will have to suffer its consequences – the punishing wrath of God”!
Lady: “The punishing wrath of God, is it?! If God were indeed planning to mete out punishments, then before he punishes us poor widows, he would first have to punish those Brahmins and priests who exploit us widows. More than that, he would first have to punish you sanctimonious reformers! If you refuse to take the initiative of marrying widows and including us in your path of reform, then who can be held responsible for our immorality, the suffering, and indignity forced on us? It is you who will have to suffer the consequence of our turmoil, and it is you who are responsible for the abject condition of our children. How do you justify yourself – eating the food we cook? Seeing our suffering, abjection, and humiliation with your own eyes, how is it that you can keep eating morsel after morsel, without any moral compunction for us? And now adding insult to injury, you dare to lecture me about God’s will, and threaten me with God’s punishment? Let God punish us widows then! But first he will certainly punish you. In which way, may I ask, have you ever helped widows personally”?
“I remember my life in Pune, making lamp wicks at the temple every evening and listening to people like you expound – those who are considered reformed. They would come and read aloud their opinions, and their letters that expressed commiseration for widows, for our suffering, this, and that – all big words. I have listened to plenty of letters written by famous reformers like Lokahitavadi. I still remember his name. Listening to him, I would briefly feel that there was light at the other end for us widows – perhaps a better future ahead, since the government had allowed him to print his opinions. But many years have passed now, and no one has taken the initiative to implement these reforms. What on earth should we do? I ask now, where is this Mr. Lokahitavadi hiding? Why does he not lead a brahman sabha himself, a conference of Brahmins that will decide and argue on our behalf? Where is he? Wearing bangles and sitting near the stove with his cooking? The only thing he ever did was to spend money on the ink he used to write grandiose letters. If one does not act on one’s promises, then how will empty words help to better the condition of us widows”?
Hearing her outburst, Vinayak-rao fell silent. He could not bring himself to say another word. He was convinced that, though the lady was leading an immoral life and kept immoral company, she had also gained enough awareness and discernment about her condition due to all those reformed Brahmins of Pune, whose views she had heard. She felt bad about her life but was also helpless to change it. The opinions, arguments, and newspaper articles written by reformers had shed light on her own state, and had made her aware of its problems. But since that light lacked heat and energy, it was inadequate and unable to help her change her situation. The superficial strength of that light had instead hardened her against it, because that light had only helped to increase her suffering.
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Excerpt from Yamuna’s Journey, edited by Deepra Dandekar, and published by Speaking Tiger. Included on this website by the Editor’s permission.
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