A psychiatrist whom I had a conversation with a few months ago said, “Not everyone wants to heal. Some people choose to suffer. They might even enjoy it, so much so that if they were given a choice, they would refuse to heal.”
His statements annoyed me. It seemed both stupid and unrealistic to think that anyone might be UNWILLING to be healed. How could anyone like, let alone enjoy, sickness rather than health? Wouldn’t that be entirely against the survival instinct, which can be regarded as almost a law of nature?
When two other wise individuals mentioned that people are sometimes reluctant to heal, I was compelled to ask if it might in fact be possible. Might it even be a very widespread psychological attitude?
To throw a little light on this, I can think of no better place to start than a most intriguing incident that is mentioned in the biography of Jesus written by his follower, John. Here it is….
John records that Jesus visited a centre of healing. Bethesda was a Roman Era health spa which, like many a place of healing, had a pool. The belief among the people who visited it was that whenever the waters were agitated, an angel caused it and whoever stepped into the disturbed pool would be healed from whatever ailed them. People with all kinds of diseases gathered there hoping to be healed.
Of all the sick people, Jesus singled out one person to speak to: a man who had been sick for 38 years. It is not clear from John’s record what exactly his ailment was. But the man told Jesus that he had no one to help him get into the water. This suggests that he must have had some difficulty with mobility.
On approaching him, Jesus asked, “Do you want to be healed?” Isn’t that the oddest possible question to ask someone who is sick? Considering that the man was at a place of healing, one would expect the answer to have been a resounding “Yes!!!” In fact, wouldn’t anyone who is sick or disabled want to be healed? The fact that Jesus asked the question beckons one to think. Perhaps the answer to the question “Do you want to be healed?” could have been “No”.
But why would a person refuse healing? And if they decided to pass on healing, would that be a morally wrong choice?
Reflecting on these questions, I was reminded of a few occasions when people did refuse healing. They seemed to have one of four reasons.
The first reason why people might refuse healing is because they don’t know that there is a problem for which they need healing. Here is an example. A few months ago, while on a cleaning and organising spree, my husband and I noticed that there were black spots in the bottom corner of a cupboard. The papers we stored there were damp to touch and when I went to take a closer look, I started coughing and sneezing. It was obvious to us that the black spots were mould. We cleaned it up, found and fixed the source of dampness and I took medicines to deal with what had become a wheeze. We didn’t know how long the mould had been there. We had been ignorant of it. If someone asked us if we needed an exterminator or plumber before we knew of the fungal infestation, we would have said, “No”. We might even have taken offence at the implication that our house was dirty. People don’t usually want to fix something that they don’t think needs fixing. Neither would they want to be healed of something they do not know they are suffering from.
The second reason why a person might refuse healing is because they do not see their situation as a problem. An example is addiction. When a person is addicted to something, their addiction may cost them money, time and their relationships. It might affect them and those around them. Yet, if someone were to point out their struggle with addiction, they might deny it, explaining that their habit just helps them “unwind” or “have fun”. They are aware of the situation but they do not consider it enough of a problem to make the effort required to get rid of it.
While it is potentially detrimental to call addiction “fun” and deny the need for rehabilitation, it may not always be problematic to call one’s suffering by another name. I know some people with disabilities, neurodiversity and learning challenges, who have learnt to think of their conditions with optimism. They think of themselves as ‘different’ rather than suffering. And their differences as opportunities rather than challenges. Their attitude inspires awe.
Irrespective of whether it is harmful or helpful, people who do not think of their situations as suffering are unlikely to say “Yes” to healing.
The third reason why a person might refuse healing is because they might not, for other reasons, want to take the steps necessary to heal. An individual may know that there is a problem to deal with, but say “No” to healing because they are wary of the solution and its consequences.
An aunt of mine demonstrates this well. She has knee issues that cause her considerable pain. So, her doctor suggested surgery to fix her knees, but she refused it. She did not deny or downplay her struggles with her joints. However, she felt that healing it was not worth the trauma of surgery.
The change and uncertainty that comes with healing might also deter people from saying “Yes”. For example, a person may stay in an unfulfilling career because they fear that on leaving it, they might be unemployed or may only receive job offers that are worse in one way or another. Perhaps the healed life is more frightening that the unhealed life because it is wrought with uncertainty. People may prefer the cocoon of what they know to the adventure (and risk!) of what they don’t know. When the cost of change is too high to bear, people may choose to stay where they are.
Finally, people may refuse healing if they find purpose in their pain. Fanny Crosby a hymnist known for writing popular church songs such as “All the Way My Saviour Leads Me” and “Blessed Assurance”, is one such person. Crosby was born blind. On occasion, when she felt that people pitied her for being blind or when they indicated that she would have achieved even greater success with sight, she responded saying that if she were given a choice, she would have chosen to be blind.
She wrote, “It has been a good thing that I have been blind. How in the world could I have lived such a helpful life as I have lived had I not been blind?” Fanny Crosby felt that her blindness made her life better and prompted her to be as productive as she was. She did not deny that blindness was a struggle. She admitted that she had suffered in life because of her disability. Yet, if her God, were to ask her the question, “Do you want to be healed?” this poet, singer and songwriter would have said, “No.”
Fanny Crosby is proof that people who are aware of their struggles, even if there was a way out of it, may not always take up the offer to be healed. However, this is not to say that all people who are hurting or suffering are choosing to remain in their troubles.
Of course, from many hurts in life, healing is automatic. Our bodies and minds are designed to self-heal. We heal without our asking for it.
But much of the time, the choice of being healed may not be given to us. Indeed, the absence of opportunity is illustrated at the pool of Bethesda itself! Jesus did not ask others at the pool if they wanted to be healed. Neither is there any record of Him healing them. The other people, then, we may assume, remained sick.
Nevertheless, Jesus’ question suggests that in some circumstances, the choice of whether we want to be healed is ours. And the choices made by people like Fanny Crosby, who found purpose in their suffering, and those who see their situation not as problems but opportunities for growth suggest that refusing healing may not always be wrong.
Perhaps then, Jesus asking the question, “Do you want to be healed” to the man at the pool was not pointless. If for whatever reason, the man at the pool said “No”, his choice would have been honoured. Jesus’ question exists to demonstrate that we, sometimes, get to choose whether we want to be healed, that we may choose not to be healed, and that our choice in the matter counts.
If you had a choice, is there anything you would rather live with than heal from? Why might you say “No” to the offer of healing?
